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  • I am stupid

    I don't know what I want from this life.

    I am nearly 40 and I still can't figure out if I want to live with somebody or if I want to live on my own. I mean with my daughter only.

    Being on my own must be boring sometimes, but being with somebody is often damn difficult.

    Am I selfish or something? Or I am just too independent and not too many man can handle this.

    The good news is that I can live with my daughter on my salary ..... at the age of survival, but still ..... The price of freedom is high.

    The bad news is that I am again in a relationship. he is young and cute, but ... do I really need him?

  • Daughter’s marriage

    Honestly, I am going to forbid my daughter to get married. I strongly hope I won’t have to forbid her as she will think the same like me, but …. Who knows?

    How things change in life, ah? From the strongest desire of woman – to see her daughter married, to the same thing being the most hatred one.

    I know statistics show that people marry less and less nowadays, but my country and especially my town is still in the middle ages, so they don’t know about these statistics yet and the reasons behind them.

    It is not only about heavy divorce taxes and property. It is much more about the big mistakes we make after we start thinking we have chosen a partner for a lifetime and way of life for a lifetime.

    How pitiful we are! Nothing is for a lifetime. We have only us and only today. And if we are not here, today and can’t share our thoughts and feelings with our partner today we have nothing. Neither the signature on the paper at the day of our wedding matters, nor the promises we make to each other for the future.

    So, I won’t forbid my daughter to live with somebody. I will encourage her on that. But I want to minimize the great expectations a wedding day is implying, the false sense of security the marriage gives and the risk of her husband taking her for granted. The marriage never grants love and affection, it much more often ruins them.

    Moreover a human being needs some liberty to feel a human being. Love gives liberty, but not marriage. If you allow me to quote Benjamin Franklin, although I think he had something else in mind saying this:

    “Those who would give up ESSENTIAL LIBERTY to purchase a little TEMPORARY SAFETY, deserve neither LIBERTY nor SAFETY. ”

  • Absolute Beginner in Freelancing

    Here are the simple facts:
    1. I am a blogger.
    2. I left my husband and I am trying to live with my daughter on one salary and I hardly succeed.
    3. I need extra money and I need to earn them in the evenings and weekends preferably via internet.
    4. I have created a PayPal account and did some research on internet on freelancing.
    5. I found that there are possibilities, but as I am a beginner and I am living in Bulgaria, not in Western Europe or USA I haven’t got that many chances although I believe I have certain talents.
    6. My only path to success is to prove my talents here, so that I can get different freelancing jobs.

    Now I need to write an article, but I have difficulties in choosing topic.
    Let’s try two different approaches:
    1. I will grab a book from my shelf, open it on a random page, read a random word/phrase and write an article on it.
    2. I will see what is bothering my mind the most in the last couple of days and will write an article on that subject.

    So, I took a book from the shelf, opened it and … what I read you will see in the next post. :)

  • Another Eurydice

    I was in the land of dead
    And Hades was not guarding me.
    I was staying on my own
    No memories of the other world,
    No connections to anybody.
    The lonely business death.
    I didn’t won’t to run,
    I didn’t want to want
    I didn’t feel.
    It was not about resurrection,
    Because before
    It was not exactly … life.
    He came,
    He was at the birth,
    Helped for the first steps
    And now he holds me in his arms –
    Naked, we breathe in harmony,
    On our backs slowly grow
    … wings …

     

    Creative Commons License
    Another Eurydice by Maya Angelova is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Bulgaria License.
    Based on a work at afluteofreed.blog.co.uk.

  • Forgotten flower

    The leaves are painting
    Picture stud in brown
    On the asphalt.
    I don’t like the avangardizm,
    But to give even your dead color out
    Is touching.
    Eclectic bouquet
    Of flowers and seasons
    We gathered
    And then …. left.
    I am also a forgotten flower –
    Over there,
    In the corner,
    Next to my father's pipe.

  • a poem

    drops
    of tender
    words
    seep through
    the iron
    armor
    and set out
    on a journey
    to meet
    your
    sentences
    and
    together
    to write down
    a poem
    about something
    that happens
    somewhere
    here

  • Mandala of the day

    "Art is what God makes as man" Hazarat Inayat Khan

    "Deity depiction causes the One that is without form, color, or breath to appear." Upanisad 4:1

    http://mandalas.com/SquareMandalas/OrangeSunshineMandala.php

  • Clairvoyancy

    my orange dress on daisies
    matches the sunflowers
    in my mind,
    is in contrast to
    the fog in my heart
    and meets my plans
    for easy and joyful
    Autumn

    the same way I know that
    the rose that is a rose will fade,
    the snow that is snow will cover the grass
    the Spring that is Spring will come in May,
    something in me always knows
    what will happen … anyway …

  • longing for reality

    again
    it wells up
    rises from me
    unweary
    unextinguishing
    mad energy
    and passionate longing
    for the real
    only Le Clézio
    would understand
    and would walk with me
    in deserts
    on colored clouds
    through the jungle
    and would avoid with me
    the inertia of the cities
    the people’s jabber
    and walls
    of concrete
    and ugly iron
    we would examine the ore,
    the lichen on the stones
    the sea’s most deep
    depths
    together with our souls
    aspirations
    truths
    and those mirror planes
    in the other
    in us
    in the reality
    that gives birth to us
    and we give birth to

  • My streets

    The morning streets of town are
    Mine.
    The flower’s bloom in the yards is
    Mine.
    The dew spread over the grass
    Is mine.

    The herbs do magic
    On their own,
    The birds imitate
    Classics and
    The sun tells jokes
    To me.

    The morning river flows
    For me,
    The water makes me dizzy
    From a distance
    And the mountains
    Tempt me with
    Their pale nimbus.

    The morning streets,
    Mountains,
    Rivers,
    Lakes
    Are mine.
    If you walk with me,
    Side by side,
    Smiled,
    They will be all yours
    With all my heart.

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