A flute of reed

There are days in which I know exactly who I am.

There are days when I lose myself.

I don’t lose myself in a bad way and torment myself with the thought “who I am?” (there are such moments, of course, but rare ones), but I lose myself in the meaning – I don’t care who I am.

I only exist.

I eat, sleep, move and do the everyday stuff and at the same time I am in some imaginary worlds.

Imaginary worlds of different authors of books, movies, teachings … and even my imaginary worlds.

Today I remembered an imaginary world I had a long time ago. It was for a future in which the sties will be only administration centers and people will leave in isolated houses hidden in the forests or fields of a pure and green planet.

There will be means for transport by air and to go to work it will take several minutes. And there won’t be any money – everyone will have everything and will work for pleasure.

Something in this idea must have come from the communists, something small form “Star wars” and something form a Hungarian movie I liked a lot when I was a child – Mezga Family. Or at least I thought that some time ago. Now I don’t know. The idea of pure and beautiful Earth on which there are no wars, no greed must have been in many people’s minds and if I am honest I dare to believe that it is on its way to happen …. if not here … somewhere else ... even if only in our own imaginations

I feel certain completeness –

Completeness of

All I have

And all I am

Together with

All I am not

And all I haven’t got.

The possessions and the shortages

Complete me.

Who says the void

Is empty?

It is the pure potential

Of all that is not

And it could become

All that I want.

"Because death is stillstand, whereas life – love – is a process of never-ending self-transcendence."

"... divine love never holds any fixed image of anyone.... it sees everything and everyone in a process of constant self-transcendence."

http://www.askrealjesus.com/

And they lived happily ever after …

Oh, yea?

In the fairy tales world

Difficulties are before love

In life – after.

May be

And they lived happily ever after …

Is the transition line

Between the reality

And the Wonderland.

Hi, Alice!

May be we should grow

In order to take conscious decision

To live with somebody else,

And then go back

To the kids.

May be we should leave

The conditional world

And pass on to the

Unconditional childhood.

Because the Heavens Kingdom

Is for the children.

But can we go there alone?

I know what a catastrophe it is

Whet the ideal and reality meet.

I know how many deaths my heart survived,

But I don’t know where it is the water of life.

My feelings taught my brain

And he – the ingrate

Never overmastered them.

A hopeless affair.

Where is the sense?

Why we dream?

I think we are

The one before the last

In a food chain in which rear

Some gods eat out minds

And die of laugh

At the end.

I read somewhere that this Universe is made as a mirror.

If you want it to smile at you, you need only to smile at it.

The trick is that you should smile at it first.

Strangely enough I remember this thought coming to my mind when I as 16 years old. Very interesting!

The other thing is that people see in you the problems they have to resolve in themselves.

Also I remember when I was pregnant I was thinking that half the young women in my town are pregnant too. That was not true, of course, but because I was thinking about my pregnancy all the time, that was what I was seeing outside all the time.

So it works both ways - for the negative and for the positive stuff.

The best way is to focus on the positive side ...

.... or that's how we will hide from the problems? That's the question I ask myself now.

OK, what can I say about the last days passed?

I feel good. I feel centered and calm.

Yesterday was a good day. One guy told me I am a shiny person and he always likes to talk to me. He said that I am from these few people that may disappear for ages and still when you see them (could be only virtually) you start to talk to them like you’ve been talking yesterday and there is always something you can talk about.

Then a woman I know only virtually told me that she heard I am physically attractive . Wow … I am really famous I start to think. There are few people I met in real life and one of them told her that. It must have been a man obviously and as they are not so many of them I met I can guess who he is. I think he is the one I mentioned above; because he is one of those I met several times and only by chance I talked to him yesterday, so he might have talked to her too

Never mind. Usually I don’t think I need people to like me, but when suddenly I find they do I feel good I must admit.

/hehe this writing looks like a diary/

Sometimes I feel like microprocessor.

I am processing data all the time – information data, but also feelings data.

I am analyzing over and over the current situation as well as the situations from the recent past. I don’t stop analyzing until I don’t get to a satisfactory result. A result that both my heart and mind are comfortable with.

Of course, certain situations may need second, third, etc. analyzes in view of the new events, but that’s OK. The older I get the faster I process the data and I rarely need to go back to a situation.

This year everything was going really fast. I am processing the data fast.

One of the results from the analysis of the summer is that I was deaf and blind to a great extend for a period of time in which I was in love. I was driven by emotions and not always by my clear mind. That was for purpose, of course.

I think the great lesson that I and many other people I know got this year is: the unconditional love.

Two different people told me in a similar way that they don’t think for themselves first, but they think for the others.

You can imagine that I am in between the others in the meanwhile.

I knew there is something wrong with this idea, but I couldn’t express it.

So, I woke up in the middle of the night with clear answer in my head.

I know it is obvious and easy answer, but it is different when you come up to it on your own.

So, the answer is: if you think that you think and do what is good for the others, rather than what is good for yourself it means that you think and do what you THINK is good for the others, but how can you KNOW what is good for the others?

It is only your idea what is good for the others, but in reality you may not have a clue.

So, that’s why people say that the only way to take care of the others around you is to take care of yourself, because if they have a happy person around, they will feel better themselves. And, of course, how can somebody else know better than me what can make me happy?

Even I am not always sure what will make me happy, what about somebody else.

So, may be the point is firstly to find out what makes me happy, then go for it and then the others will be OK too.

This is one of the reasons I prefer to leave even my closest friends alone and try not to interfere. I can’t make my closest friend happy for long. May be for a moment only.

We live for long only with ourselves, so we are responsible for our own happiness. A different person can make as happy only for a short while.